When Thoughts Feel Like Threats: Understanding Intrusive Thoughts

In our practice, we often meet people who’ve been carrying a secret fear for a long time, one they rarely speak aloud. It usually begins with a question:

“Why would I think something like that?”

Maybe you’ve had a sudden image flash through your mind. Maybe something violent, inappropriate, or completely unlike you. Or maybe a disturbing question loops through your thoughts all day, no matter how hard you try to stop it. These aren’t signs you’re broken. They’re called intrusive thoughts, and they’re more common, and more treatable than most people realize.

This post explores what intrusive thoughts are, why they happen, how they show up in real life, and how Cedar Tree Therapy helps clients regain peace of mind.

What Are Intrusive Thoughts?

Intrusive thoughts are unwanted mental events: images, ideas, impulses, or doubts that feel jarring and uncomfortable. They show up suddenly, often at the worst times, and tend to focus on taboo or fear-inducing themes. What makes them especially upsetting is that they seem to contradict your values or identity.

Examples Include:

• “What if I swerve my car into traffic?”

• “What if I touched something toxic and didn’t realize it?”

• “What if I accidentally harmed someone?”

• “Do I really love my partner, or is something wrong with me?”

• “What if I’m secretly a bad person?”

These thoughts can feel so out-of-place and intense that people begin questioning their character, morality, or mental stability.

Important Note: Everyone has random thoughts, but for people with OCD or anxiety disorders, these thoughts become distressing obsessions. The brain reacts as though the thought itself is a threat.

Why Are Intrusive Thoughts So Disturbing?

Let’s be clear: intrusive thoughts don’t feel random. They feel dangerous, personal, and urgent. This is where the obsessive-compulsive cycle can take hold.

How It Typically Plays Out:

1. An intrusive thought occurs: “What if I just screamed in this quiet room?”

2. You feel anxiety, guilt, or shame: “What’s wrong with me?”

3. You try to make the thought go away: by checking, avoiding, praying, confessing, or mentally analyzing, engaging in compulsions

4. Temporary relief … until the thought returns

This pattern is exhausting and can make a person feel like they’re constantly at war with their own mind. The real problem isn’t the thought itself, it’s the meaning the brain assigns to it and the desperate effort to make it go away.

Common Themes of Intrusive Thoughts

At Cedar Tree Therapy, we help people work through all kinds of intrusive thought content. While no two experiences are exactly alike, here are some of the most common themes:

1. Harm OCD

• Fears about accidentally or intentionally harming someone

• E.g., “What if I dropped my baby?” or “What if I stabbed someone?”

2. Sexual Intrusive Thoughts

• Disturbing sexual images or fears related to taboo topics

• These thoughts are particularly shame-inducing but don’t reflect desires

3. Religious or Moral OCD (Scrupulosity)

• Obsessions about sinning, being impure, or violating moral rules

4. Contamination OCD

• Fears of germs, illness, or spreading harm through touch or presence

5. Relationship OCD (ROCD)

• Endless doubt about whether you're in the "right" relationship

6. Existential OCD

• Obsessive questioning about life, reality, consciousness, or death

Why Do Intrusive Thoughts Happen?

Intrusive thoughts are a byproduct of a high-functioning, threat-sensitive brain. The human brain constantly scans for danger and sometimes, especially in people with OCD or high anxiety, it over-fires.

• For example: A parent with strong moral values imagines harming their child and feels horrified. Their anxiety goes up, and their brain mistakenly assumes the thought itself is dangerous.

• Result: They avoid being alone with the child, seek reassurance, or mentally review every interaction—just to feel safe.

This reinforces the idea that the thought was dangerous and should be avoided, thus keeping the cycle going.

The Role of Shame

One of the most painful aspects of intrusive thoughts is the isolation they cause. People don’t talk about them, not even with close friends or partners because they’re afraid they’ll be misunderstood.

At Cedar Tree Therapy, we emphasize this truth with our clients:

Intrusive thoughts show you your values—not your desires.

OCD loves to latch onto the things that you value the most. Of course you would want to protect what you value and experience fear, anxiety and distress if those things are threatened by your thoughts. You’re not broken. You’re someone with a brain that’s reacting to stress or trauma.

What Helps: How We Treat Intrusive Thoughts

1. ERP (Exposure and Response Prevention)

ERP is the gold-standard treatment for OCD and intrusive thoughts. In ERP, you practice allowing the thoughts to exist without doing the usual rituals (checking, avoiding, seeking reassurance). ERP is highly structured, and at Cedar Tree Therapy, we deliver it gently, with your full collaboration and consent.

2. Mindfulness and Acceptance-Based Approaches

Mindfulness helps you observe thoughts like passing weather, not personal attacks. Instead of “fixing” every thought, you practice saying:

“There’s that thought again. I don’t have to do anything about it.”

This takes practice, but over time it builds cognitive flexibility—the ability to stay grounded, even when the mind gets loud.

3. Trauma-Informed Care

For clients with past trauma, intrusive thoughts can carry an even heavier emotional load. Our therapists are trained to spot trauma-related patterns and work at a pace that feels safe, respectful, and empowering.

4. Self-Compassion Work

Shame feeds the OCD cycle. Self-compassion helps unwind it. You’ll learn to talk to yourself the way you would talk to a friend in the same situation.

How to Talk About Intrusive Thoughts (Without Fueling Them)

Talking about intrusive thoughts can help—but how you talk about them matters. If you’re constantly seeking reassurance from friends, partners, or Google, you might unintentionally be reinforcing the OCD cycle.

Instead, focus on:

• Naming the thought (“This is an intrusive thought”)

• Noticing the urge to check or neutralize

• Practicing gentle redirection (“I'm choosing not to feed this loop today”)

Building a Safe Container for Healing

Therapy is about more than tools—it’s about relationship. At Cedar Tree Therapy, we don’t just give you coping strategies; we provide a safe, grounded space to explore what these thoughts mean to you, how they’ve impacted your life, and how you want to move forward.

We use a collaborative, non-pathologizing approach. You’ll never be rushed. You’ll never be shamed. You’ll always be treated as the expert on your own experience.

Frequently Asked Questions

Are intrusive thoughts normal?

Yes. Nearly everyone has intrusive thoughts. But for those with OCD or anxiety disorders, they become sticky and distressing.

Do intrusive thoughts mean I want to act on them?

No. In fact, the more distressed you are by a thought, the less likely you are to act on it.

Can therapy really help?

Absolutely. With proper support, clients can reduce the power of intrusive thoughts, develop a healthier relationship with their mind, and regain control of their lives.

Final Words

You are not your thoughts.
You are not alone.
And healing is possible.

If intrusive thoughts have been running your life, it might be time to take back the reins with support that feels steady, respectful, and rooted in understanding. Whether you’re looking for ERP, trauma-informed therapy, or simply someone who gets it, we’re here for you.

Ready to Begin?

A Compassionate Path to Eating Disorder Recovery

Eating disorders are complex. They are not just about food, weight, or appearance—they are deeply rooted in emotional pain and, often, a need for control or safety. Whether you or someone you love is struggling, know this: eating disorders are rarely simply about the food.

As a therapist who specializes in eating disorder treatment, I’ve had the privilege of walking beside clients through some of their most vulnerable moments. This work has shown me over and over again that recovery is not only real, but transformative. If you’re reading this and wondering whether healing is truly possible, I want you to know: it is.

Understanding Eating Disorders: More Than Meets the Eye

Eating disorders come in many forms and affect people across all ages, genders, body types, ethnicities, and backgrounds. They are not always visible from the outside. People of all body shapes and sizes can experience eating disorders.

Some of the most common eating disorders include:

• Anorexia Nervosa: Characterized by restriction of food intake, intense fear of gaining weight, and a distorted body image.

• Bulimia Nervosa: Involves cycles of binge eating followed by the compensatory behaviour of purging.

• Binge Eating Disorder (BED): Involves recurring episodes of consuming large quantities of food, often rapidly and to the point of discomfort, without compensatory behaviors.

• Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID): A pattern of eating disturbances often tied to sensory issues or fear of aversive consequences, not driven by body image concerns.

• Orthorexia (not yet officially recognized in the DSM): An unhealthy obsession with "clean" or "healthy" eating that can severely disrupt a person’s life.

While each disorder has unique traits, they all share a common thread: emotional distress expressed through food and the body.

Myths That Get in the Way of Healing

Eating disorders are surrounded by harmful myths that can delay treatment and deepen shame. Let’s dispel a few:

• “You don’t look like you have an eating disorder.” Eating disorders do not have a “look.” People of all sizes can experience eating disorders.

• “It’s just a phase.” Eating disorders are serious mental health conditions that require professional support and are not to be brushed off. They are the most fatal psychiatric illness.

• “If they would just eat, they’d be fine.” Recovery is not just about eating differently, it’s about healing psychologically as well.

• “They’re just doing it for attention.” There is immense shame that comes with an eating disorder and it is a mental illness that no one would willfully choose.

Letting go of these myths opens the door for empathy, intervention, and hope.

What Recovery Really Looks Like

Recovery from an eating disorder is not a straight line. It’s more like a winding path—filled with highs and lows, setbacks and breakthroughs. That’s not a sign of failure. It’s how real, meaningful change works.

Here’s what recovery may involve:

1. Reconnecting with the Body

Many people with eating disorders feel disconnected from their bodies—either ignoring hunger cues or feeling at war with their physical selves. In recovery, we begin to rebuild trust with the body: listening, responding, and caring for it rather than controlling or punishing it.

2. Addressing the Root Causes

Eating disorders often serve a function: numbing emotional pain, providing a sense of control, or coping with trauma, anxiety, or low self-worth. Therapy creates space to explore and heal these underlying issues.

3. Rewriting the Inner Dialogue

The inner critic in eating disorders can be relentless. Part of recovery is learning to challenge that voice and cultivate a new one- one rooted in compassion, curiosity, and self-acceptance.

4. Creating a Life Beyond the Disorder

As healing progresses, clients begin to rediscover who they are beyond the eating disorder - reconnecting with passions, relationships, values, and dreams that may have been buried or put on hold.

What Progress Looks Like (Even When It’s Hard to See)

Recovery looks different for everyone and progress can take many forms. Sometimes, it might look like one of these things:

• Eating in a social setting with friends despite feeling anxious

• Choosing rest instead of compulsive exercise

• Recognizing a trigger before acting on it

• Crying instead of restricting

• Feeling an emotion fully, without numbing

These moments are profound victories. They may seem small, but they are the building blocks of sustainable healing.

For Those Who Love Someone Struggling

If someone you care about is living with an eating disorder, you may feel confused, helpless, or scared. You don’t need to have all the answers but your support makes a difference.

Here’s what can help:

• Listen without judgment.

• Avoid comments about weight, food, or appearance. Take a neutral stance to all bodies and food.

• Educate yourself about eating disorders. Meet with an eating disorder therapist yourself to gain a deep understanding of this psychiatric illness.

• Encourage professional help

• Practice patience. Recovery takes time and there will be ups and downs

Taking the First Step

If you’re considering therapy- or just wondering if your relationship with food and body is something to look at- that curiosity is enough. The first step doesn’t have to be big. It might be a phone call. A journal entry. A conversation.

And if you’re further along in your healing, know that setbacks don’t erase progress. Every part of your story matters. Every part deserves care.

Final Thoughts: You Are worthy of recovery

Eating disorders often leave people feeling like the eating disorder is their safe place for finding their worth, validation and comfort.

Recovery is about coming home to yourself. It’s about learning that you are enough as you are- not because of your weight, your achievements, or your willpower- but simply because you exist. You are worthy.

If you or a loved one is navigating an eating disorder, I invite you to reach out. You don’t have to do it alone. Healing is possible, and you are deserving of it.

Let’s take that first step together.

To learn more about therapy for eating disorders or to schedule a virtual consultation, please contact me using the button below.

The Body Image Course is a wonderful self guided e-course to compliment therapy for people living with eating disorders and their support people. Through powerful video lessons, reflective journaling prompts, and unique guided meditations, you’ll explore the roots of body image struggles, uncover the toxic impact of diet culture, and learn practical tools to build body image resilience.

Managing Perfectionism

Perfectionism can often feel like a double-edged sword—while striving for high standards can drive success, it can also lead to increased anxiety and self criticism. Our society often praises and rewards perfectionism and sees it as a quality that is highly sought after which makes it difficult to let go of. However, the costs that come with not being able to be flexible in your expectations of yourself are high.

Ultimately, perfectionism ends up lowering your confidence.

Perfection leads to having unreasonable standards that are often difficult or impossible to achieve. If our attempts at being perfect do not allow us to reach this state of perfection that we are aiming for, we become self critical, feel like we can’t do anything right and feel that we are unworthy. The important thing to note here is that we were likely setting ourselves up for failure through having expectations that were never realistic to attain in the first place. In this way, perfectionism sets us up to have lower confidence.

We often think the picture of perfectionism is being the high achiever, however often times the perfectionist will avoid and simply not try in order to avoid the possibility of failure. At times, our perfectionism shows up in ways that appear to protect us from failure. In day to day life, this could look like procrastination, giving up too soon or before even starting, avoiding situations where failure is possible, and decision making paralysis.

Do any of these statements resonate with you?

• I need others to like and approve of me.

• It is not acceptable to make a mistake in my work.

• I find it hard to remember the things I’ve done well, I remember my failures easily.

• No matter how hard I try, I feel like I’m not good enough.

• If I can’t do it perfectly, then there is no point trying.

• Failing is not an option.

• I really struggle to receive negative feedback.

• I avoid doing things that I am not good at.

• I would rather do it the right way myself than allow others to mess it up.

Managing perfection is crucial for both mental health and overall well-being. Here are several strategies to help you navigate the complexities of perfectionism.

1. Recognize and Challenge Perfectionistic Thoughts

Identify the patterns of thinking that contribute to your perfectionism. Common thoughts include the belief that nothing short of perfection is acceptable or the fear of making mistakes. Challenge these thoughts by questioning their validity. Ask yourself if there is evidence to support these beliefs or if there are alternative viewpoints. This cognitive restructuring can help ease the pressure you place on yourself.

2. Set Realistic Goals

Instead of aiming for perfection, set achievable and specific goals. Break larger tasks into smaller, manageable steps. This will give you a sense of accomplishment as you complete each step, reducing the anxiety associated with trying to achieve an unattainable ideal. One simple goals to set to challenge perfectionism is to challenge yourself to delegate one task to another person and release full control of the outcome.

3. Embrace Imperfection

Accept that imperfections are a natural part of life. Make a conscious effort to engage in activities where the outcome is not as important—such as painting, playing an instrument, or trying a new recipe without strict expectations. Allowing yourself to be imperfect can foster creativity and reduce anxiety.

4. Practice Self-Compassion

Treat yourself with the same kindness you would offer a friend. When you encounter setbacks or disappointments, remind yourself that everyone struggles and that mistakes are opportunities for growth. Practicing self-compassion can help mitigate feelings of shame associated with perfectionism.

5. Limit Comparison to Others

In our interconnected world, it’s easy to compare ourselves to others. Such comparisons can fuel perfectionistic tendencies and lead to feelings of inadequacy. Focus on your personal progress rather than measuring yourself against others. Remember that each individual’s journey is unique.

6. Establish Healthy Boundaries

Set boundaries about how much time and energy you devote to perfectionistic tendencies. For example, allocate a specific amount of time for completing a task rather than allowing it to consume your entire day. This approach fosters a balance between diligence and self-care.

7. Seek Support

If perfectionism is significantly affecting your mental health, consider seeking support from a therapist. Therapy can provide a safe space to explore the roots of your perfectionism and develop effective coping strategies. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) are effective techniques to address perfectionistic patterns.

Conclusion

Managing perfection is an ongoing process that requires self-awareness and intentionality. By recognizing your tendencies, setting realistic goals, and practicing self-compassion, you can create a healthier relationship with your aspirations. Remember, progress is often more valuable than perfection, and embracing imperfection can lead to a more fulfilling life.

About the author

Dana Etherington is an Occupational Therapist, Psychotherapist and the owner of Cedar Tree Therapy, a psychotherapy practice located in Brooklin, Ontario. Dana uses evidence based treatment modalities to treat anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), disordered eating and complex family relationships.

The Vicious Cycles of Depression

Depression is a common mental illness that can severely impact a person’s ability to complete the tasks they need and want to do. It is characterized by persistent feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and a lack of interest or pleasure in activities that were once enjoyable. It can affect how a person thinks, feels, impacting one’s ability to engage in their usual daily tasks. These devastating symptoms of depression can lead to significant impairment in functioning at work, school, at home and in their relationships.

Depression can vary in its intensity and duration, from a short episode to a chronic illness that requires ongoing management. Depression is caused by a combination of genetic, biological, environmental, and psychological factors. Understanding these complexities is essential for effective treatment, which involves psychotherapy, medication, or a combination of both. Early intervention and support are crucial in helping individuals navigate their experiences with depression and interrupt the negative cycles that depression can cause.

Low motivation is a common symptom of depression that can significantly impact daily functioning and overall quality of life. Individuals may experience extreme low energy and motivation, making even simple tasks feel overwhelming or impossible. This lack of motivation often leads to disengagement from activities that were once enjoyable to the person, contributing to a cycle of isolation and worsening mood. People may struggle to initiate or complete everyday responsibilities, such as tasks at work or school, engaging in basic social interactions, or struggle with completing simple self-care and hygiene tasks, which can make feelings of worthlessness or guilt worse.

One of the most impactful symptoms of depression is that change that occurs in a person’s behaviour. With low mood, comes decreases to one’s activity level. These changes can have profound impacts and change the person who was once active, engaged and upbeat to someone who is isolated, withdrawn and struggles to take care of themselves.

A vicious cycle is created when these feelings of low motivation and fatigue are paired with decreased activity levels. As your activity level decreases, you start to stop doing the things you once loved and enjoyed, leading to fewer opportunities to experience positive emotions. This, in turn, perpetuates the feelings of depression, allowing the depression to persist and be maintained.

Physical symptoms of depression, such as fatigue and disrupted sleep patterns, also play a significant role. Lack of energy can reduce motivation to engage in self-care or seek help, while poor sleep can worsen mood and clear thinking ability. As a result, individuals may find it increasingly difficult to break out of the cycle. Additionally, people with depression may experience difficulty concentrating or making decisions, leading to decreased productivity at work or school. This decline can trigger feelings of inadequacy or failure, reinforcing negative thought patterns and perpetuating the cycle.

Depression often creates vicious cycles of inactivity that make the person’s mood worse and prolong recovery. One aspect of the treatment of depression that is critical is addressing and interrupting this cycle through increasing activity levels. This evidence based treatment for depression is called Behaviour Activation and comes from the Cognitive Behavioural Therapy model. When we engage in activities that are pleasurable, it increases our chances of experiencing positive emotions, allowing for increased motivation, confidence and energy. This is one of the ways to break out of the vicious cycle of depression.

Understanding these vicious cycles is crucial for addressing depression effectively. Therapy interventions for depression, such as cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), can help individuals identify and challenge negative thoughts, interrupt the vicious cycles of depression, and gradually re-engage in life again.

About the Author

Dana Etherington is an Occupational Therapist, Psychotherapist and the Owner of Cedar Tree Therapy, a group psychotherapy practice located in Brooklin, Ontario. Dana used cognitive behavioural therapy along with other evidence based treatment modalities to treat anxiety, depression, obsessive compulsive disorder and disorder eating.

Taylor's Pregnancy & Postpartum Story

Taylor is a summer student with Cedar Tree Therapy, currently in the Social Service Worker Program at Durham College. She graciously offered to share her story of becoming a new mother in the hopes that it may help someone. A step mom to two children and new mom to her own baby in her early 20’s, Taylor shares her thoughts on seeking out therapy, the overwhelm of motherhood, and postpartum body image struggles.

My journey as a first-time young mom is probably not very conventional. Firstly, it was completely planned with my partner with whom I had only been with for a few months at the time and secondly, I was lucky enough to have it happen so fast I didn’t even have much time to prepare mentally for the journey I was about to undertake.

Not only was I about to be a mother, but I was already playing the role of stepmom to my partner’s two children at 24 years old, “0 to 3” as I like to say! I wasn’t prepared for any of it if I’m being completely honest. All I knew was that I was going to spend the rest of my life with my partner and everything that came with it.

The hormones took me by surprise at first, being that I was the first in my family and first of all of my friends to have a baby, my mom was the only one that could give me any real advice. My moods were so unpredictable, and my anxiety became increasingly worse during the second trimester. With both my partner and I working shift work and having no set schedule with my step-children things were starting to weigh heavy on my mind. What would we do for day-care?Would we have any time left for our relationship? Our off-days with the kids will turn to on-days all the time!

Once our beautiful “ours baby” came into the world my anxiety took a back seat for a little while. Although it was the toughest thing I had ever done in my life, it was so incredibly empowering, rewarding and my favourite experience I’ve ever had with my partner. Arriving back home however, I think that’s where a lot of the anxiety starts for most new mothers. I was very lucky to have my partner, he was the primary caregiver when it came to his own children and had far more experience than most dads. He’d laugh when I’d say “Ok what do I do now!” when it was something that came like second nature to him. It seemed crazy to me that for most new parents they were just expected to take this tiny little human home with them and figure it all out as they went.

When it came to my anxiety, a lot of it stemmed from wanting to be back to my old self so quickly. I was lucky enough to be very active my entire pregnancy my partner often commented that it didn’t even seem like I was pregnant if it weren’t for the beachball on my belly. Waddling around the house in a diaper, however was not something that I had planned on. Whether it’s my age, or just on the society we live in as a whole I felt the pressures of the “snap back” culture. My belly was squashy, and instead of being proud of what my body had just done I was way too concerned with getting back to the way it was before. I was learning to breastfeed around the clock and was completely sleep deprived. There’s a saying “sleep when the baby sleeps!” but it was a little unrealistic as I had a two- and eight-year-old running around the house as well as foolishly trying to complete 6 college courses with a new-born. I was in over my head.

Although I never struggled with postpartum myself, it quickly became apparent to me why so many mothers suffer with their mental health during the months following giving birth. You wake up, someone needs you. Didn’t snap back fast enough? They’re judging you. Bath time. Dinner time. Laundry, again. It never actually ends.

Is it really a surprise we as new mothers are struggling with our mental health? We’re completely neglecting our own needs and feel we just do not have time to make ourselves a priority anymore! Some mothers feel they need to dedicate 100% of their time to their family, but if we’re not taking care of ourselves, we’re not being the best versions of ourselves and therefore not showing up for our family in the best way we’re capable of. My advice? ASK FOR HELP! I enjoy getting my hair and nails done, and just because I’m a mom now, doesn’t mean that has to become a thing of the past. I plan time for myself in advance and ask my partner or family for help. Sometimes even just having a mommy day on the calendar that month reminds me that I am just as important as all of our other 100 to-do’s on there too!

For me, the hardest part was learning to be a new mother while learning to be a stepmother. Basically, when you’re a stepmom, you’re damned if you do, and damned if you don’t. If you’re acting like their mom, you’re over-stepping, and if you’re not, you don’t care enough. Now try to juggle the complexities of parenting with your partners ex, when you and your partner would like to raise the kids a certain way but have no control over what the kids are doing or not doing half of the time. When you’re a new mom you have hopes and dreams about the person your child will become and what kind of household you want your baby to grow up in. A blended family means that your child cannot be promised to spend Christmas morning with their siblings or have regular Thanksgiving traditions because half the family is not home for it. This is something I am struggling with and quite honestly, I can’t confidently say I’ve come to terms with the idea of it. In one breath, all I want is a normal family that can have these things but in the other, I would not have this beautiful family if that was the case.

The thought of going back to work gave me severe anxiety. I was losing sleep worrying about who I was going to leave my perfect baby boy in the hands of. Due to the custody arrangement between my stepchildren and their mother, my partner and I do not get to choose where we live. This means we do not get to live close to my family and ultimately do not get those benefits of having their help for things like child-care. Not only did I move away from my family, but ultimately, I moved away from all of my friends and my life as I once knew it. There were so many changes taking place at once. How was this fair? Why does my baby have to go to daycare because of where your ex chooses to live? These thoughts would keep me up at night and I knew something needed to be done about it before this resentment carried onto my partner.

I once thought that therapy was reserved for those who have been through some type of trauma. It wasn’t until I was completely overwhelmed and in over my head that I thought to myself, ok what have I got to lose? I started looking for resources to help me and stumbled upon a couple podcasts and blogs that led me to a really awesome stepmom community. What a lot of these women had in common was their advocacy on therapy and seeking mental health support. After my first session, my body felt lighter. The relief I felt was so intense, I’d actually have to take a shower following my sessions because of how badly my body was sweating! I had realized that talking about my emotions instead of keeping them to myself felt invigorating. By saying things out loud, I was making connections to feelings and behaviours and relating it back to how I had been living my life. I learned that therapy is not only for those who have suffered trauma, it’s for those who want to be the best versions of themselves.

The thought of being selfish is often a fear most new mothers have when it comes to the idea of making their mental health a priority. I want to tell you that it’s ok to be “selfish” sometimes if that means taking care of yourself. I’m not a professional, I’m honestly not even that experienced but what I am, is real. I’m a real mom, who falls short from being perfect every single day. I’m going to keep getting disappointed when it comes to my co-parenting dynamic with my partners ex, and I’m going to get too overwhelmed with being a mom, a stepmom and a wife from time to time, but that’s ok. Working on ourselves is not a job that can be completed because we’re constantly evolving, changing and hopefully growing! When you make a mistake, learn from it instead of beating yourself up. Recognize your own triggers and work on being proactive instead of being reactive. Lean on your support system when you need them and celebrate the small victory’s when you can. You’re doing great mama, you got this.

Fostering healthy body image

Perhaps you’ve noticed that you teen is overly critical of their body, and is making attempts to hide how they look. Bringing up your concerns with your teen’s body image can be a tense topic. This post is aimed at helping parents discuss the challenging topic of body image with their teens. This conversation can be important for all young people who are learning how to love their bodies as they change and grow. It is especially important if you suspect that your teen is struggling with body image and self esteem. 

Start the conversation with validation. Create an atmosphere of safety and openness by telling them they are not alone in what they are feeling. 

You could say something like:

“ It’s normal to have some bad body image days, some days where you don't feel so comfortable in your body.” 

Go on to say: 

“It's important that you know that your worth isn’t determined by your appearance. Regardless of how you look, you are still worthy of people’s time, attention and respect. I hear that you would like to have the “perfect” body. What I think you might mean is that you would like to feel comfortable in your body. We can feel comfortable in our bodies regardless of their shape or size. Your body is not something to feel shame or guilt about, your body does so much for you and serves you in so many ways.” 

The conversation can be concluded by reinforcing the teen’s own unique qualities and strengths that are not related to appearance. 

You can encourage your teen to try out the following practical strategies if they are struggling with body image. 

• Stop comparing. As hard as it may be, resist the urge to compare yourself to others.

• Unfollow social media accounts that lead you to not feel good about your body. Any accounts promoting potentially harmful behaviours or products don't need your attention.

There are some do’s and don’ts for promoting positive body image with our teenage children. As a parent, don’t comment on a stranger's body, your own body or your teen’s body. Even if you are making a compliment, remain neutral about bodies.
Lastly, the most important tip of all — model positive body image. Teens absorb so much about how they feel about their body from how parents feel about theirs. Remove all “diet” language from the family conversations. Modelling acceptance of your own body will help your teen with acceptance of theirs.

 Author Bio

Dana Etherington is an Occupational Therapist, Psychotherapist and is the owner of Cedar Tree Therapy.  Cedar Tree Therapy is a psychotherapy practice that serves clients 13 and up all across Ontario with anxiety and body image challenges. Dana’s eating disorder experience comes from working in adolescent residential eating disorders treatment centres.