Perfectionism can often feel like a double-edged sword—while striving for high standards can drive success, it can also lead to increased anxiety and self criticism. Our society often praises and rewards perfectionism and sees it as a quality that is highly sought after which makes it difficult to let go of. However, the costs that come with not being able to be flexible in your expectations of yourself are high.
Ultimately, perfectionism ends up lowering your confidence.
Perfection leads to having unreasonable standards that are often difficult or impossible to achieve. If our attempts at being perfect do not allow us to reach this state of perfection that we are aiming for, we become self critical, feel like we can’t do anything right and feel that we are unworthy. The important thing to note here is that we were likely setting ourselves up for failure through having expectations that were never realistic to attain in the first place. In this way, perfectionism sets us up to have lower confidence.
We often think the picture of perfectionism is being the high achiever, however often times the perfectionist will avoid and simply not try in order to avoid the possibility of failure. At times, our perfectionism shows up in ways that appear to protect us from failure. In day to day life, this could look like procrastination, giving up too soon or before even starting, avoiding situations where failure is possible, and decision making paralysis.
Do any of these statements resonate with you?
I need others to like and approve of me.
It is not acceptable to make a mistake in my work.
I find it hard to remember the things I’ve done well, I remember my failures easily.
No matter how hard I try, I feel like I’m not good enough.
If I can’t do it perfectly, then there is no point trying.
Failing is not an option.
I really struggle to receive negative feedback.
I avoid doing things that I am not good at.
I would rather do it the right way myself than allow others to mess it up.
Managing perfection is crucial for both mental health and overall well-being. Here are several strategies to help you navigate the complexities of perfectionism.
1. Recognize and Challenge Perfectionistic Thoughts
Identify the patterns of thinking that contribute to your perfectionism. Common thoughts include the belief that nothing short of perfection is acceptable or the fear of making mistakes. Challenge these thoughts by questioning their validity. Ask yourself if there is evidence to support these beliefs or if there are alternative viewpoints. This cognitive restructuring can help ease the pressure you place on yourself.
2. Set Realistic Goals
Instead of aiming for perfection, set achievable and specific goals. Break larger tasks into smaller, manageable steps. This will give you a sense of accomplishment as you complete each step, reducing the anxiety associated with trying to achieve an unattainable ideal. One simple goals to set to challenge perfectionism is to challenge yourself to delegate one task to another person and release full control of the outcome.
3. Embrace Imperfection
Accept that imperfections are a natural part of life. Make a conscious effort to engage in activities where the outcome is not as important—such as painting, playing an instrument, or trying a new recipe without strict expectations. Allowing yourself to be imperfect can foster creativity and reduce anxiety.
4. Practice Self-Compassion
Treat yourself with the same kindness you would offer a friend. When you encounter setbacks or disappointments, remind yourself that everyone struggles and that mistakes are opportunities for growth. Practicing self-compassion can help mitigate feelings of shame associated with perfectionism.
5. Limit Comparison to Others
In our interconnected world, it’s easy to compare ourselves to others. Such comparisons can fuel perfectionistic tendencies and lead to feelings of inadequacy. Focus on your personal progress rather than measuring yourself against others. Remember that each individual’s journey is unique.
6. Establish Healthy Boundaries
Set boundaries about how much time and energy you devote to perfectionistic tendencies. For example, allocate a specific amount of time for completing a task rather than allowing it to consume your entire day. This approach fosters a balance between diligence and self-care.
7. Seek Support
If perfectionism is significantly affecting your mental health, consider seeking support from a therapist. Therapy can provide a safe space to explore the roots of your perfectionism and develop effective coping strategies. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) are effective techniques to address perfectionistic patterns.
Conclusion
Managing perfection is an ongoing process that requires self-awareness and intentionality. By recognizing your tendencies, setting realistic goals, and practicing self-compassion, you can create a healthier relationship with your aspirations. Remember, progress is often more valuable than perfection, and embracing imperfection can lead to a more fulfilling life.
About the author
Dana Etherington is an Occupational Therapist, Psychotherapist and the owner of Cedar Tree Therapy, a psychotherapy practice located in Brooklin, Ontario. Dana uses evidence based treatment modalities to treat anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), disordered eating and complex family relationships.
