A Guide to Building Confidence
Low self-esteem can be a challenging hurdle to overcome, impacting various aspects of life from relationships to career ambitions. However, it's important to remember that self-esteem is not a fixed trait; it can be improved with time, effort, and a commitment to inwards reflection. Confidence comes from having a sense of control of our motivation and behaviour as well as a sense of agency in our environment. Confidence is a trust we have in ourselves and our own abilities and skills, that we believe we are able to get through challenges that come our way. Here’s a guide to help you boost your self-confidence and develop a healthier self esteem.
Understanding Self-Esteem
Self-esteem refers to how we perceive and value ourselves. It encompasses our beliefs about our abilities, worth, and potential. Low self-esteem can manifest as feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt, and even self-loathing, affecting our overall well-being and happiness.
Signs of Low Self-Esteem
Before addressing low self-esteem, it’s crucial to recognize the signs. Common indicators include:
Negative self-talk: Constantly criticizing or belittling oneself. Similarly, being overly critical of others is also a sign of low self esteem.
Trying to be perfect: Avoiding challenges due to fear of not being good enough.
Social withdrawal: Keeping to oneself to avoid judgment or rejection.
Perfectionism: Setting unrealistically high standards and being overly critical of oneself when they're not met.
Difficulty accepting compliments: Feeling uncomfortable or disbelieving when praised.
Signs of low self esteem differ from person to person. Take a look at some of these signs of low self esteem and ask yourself, are some of my behaviours actually the result of low self esteem?
Strategies to Improve Self-Esteem
Improving self-esteem is a journey that involves inward reflection and taking a close look at your behaviours, thoughts and feelings. Here are some practical steps to get started:
1. Practice Self-Compassion
Be gentle with yourself. Understand that everyone makes mistakes and faces setbacks. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a friend facing similar challenges.
2. Challenge Negative Thoughts
Identify negative thoughts and challenge their validity. Ask yourself if there is evidence to support these thoughts or if they are simply self-imposed limitations. Working with a CBT informed therapist will really help you with this process.
3. Set Realistic Goals
Setting achievable goals can provide a sense of accomplishment and boost your confidence. Break larger goals into smaller, manageable steps and celebrate your progress along the way. This helps you to build mastery and not only boosts your self esteem, but your mood as well.
4. Focus on Strengths
Everyone has unique strengths and talents. Make a list of your positive qualities and accomplishments. Reflect on these regularly to remind yourself of your abilities and worth. If you find this process difficult, a good therapist will be able to assist you with identifying your strengths and help you to build off them.
5. Seek Support
Don’t hesitate to reach out for support from a skilled and qualified therapist. Everyone has blind spots in their personality that they may not be aware of. Working with a therapist will help you gain valuable insight on the root cause of your low self esteem, and how to let go of low self esteem moving forward.
6. Engage in Activities You Enjoy
Participating in activities that bring joy and fulfillment can enhance self-esteem and your mood. Whether it's a hobby, sport, or creative outlet, these activities can reinforce a positive self-image. Doing something that you are good at helps you to feel good.
The Importance of Patience
Improving self-esteem is not an overnight process. It requires patience, consistent effort and reflection. Celebrate small victories and be forgiving when setbacks occur. Remember, building self-esteem is a lifelong endeavour, and every step forward is progress.
Low self-esteem doesn’t have to control your life. By understanding and addressing the root causes, practicing self-compassion, and focusing on personal growth, you can cultivate a stronger, more confident self. Embrace the journey of self-discovery and believe in your ability to create a fulfilling and empowered life.
About the Author
Dana Etherington is an Occupational Therapist, Psychotherapist and the owner of Cedar Tree Therapy, a psychotherapy practice located in Brooklin, Ontario. Dana uses evidence based treatment modalities to treat anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), disordered eating and complex family relationships.