Being a new mom brings up so many complex emotions, from overwhelming joy to moments of doubt and exhaustion. The transition into motherhood is a profound experience, filled with love, challenges, and growth. Navigating the demands of caring for a newborn while adjusting to a new identity can be both rewarding and daunting. Finding support, prioritizing self-care, and embracing the journey with patience are essential in this new chapter of life. Remember, it's okay to seek help and take one day at a time as you navigate the beautiful complexity of motherhood.
How can we take care of our mental health as mothers ?
Motherhood can certainly be overwhelming, and it can be easy to feel like we are a victim of the responsibilities of motherhood.
I offer you this mindset shift…
It is our privilege to be counted on, depending on, to know which cup is the right one, which blanket, how to cut the toast in just the right way. Mother’s are in charge of the energy we bring into our household, and we choose to surround our families with loving kindness.
Mother is the leader of the home, when the mother feels good the whole family benefits. When moms take care of themselves, they are taking care of their babies.
A few practical ways to improve our mental health during the postpartum period
While there are so many things that we can’t control during the postpartum period, there are a few that we can focus on that will help us to feel mentally well.
Individual psychotherapy is a place where you can receive non judgemental support from someone who is unbiased. The difficult emotions and thoughts that you might not feel comfortable sharing with anyone else can be validated and normalized. You can learn tangible skills that can help make your day to day easier. Therapy can help you get comfortable with your new roles and responsibilities and offer hope and encouragement that no matter what, you are the best mother for your baby.
Feed your brain and body with foods that are nourishing. Enlist your support people to prep one handed snacks for you, meal prep during pregnancy, grocery delivery, or meal subscriptions. This is especially important if you are also a food source for your baby.
Get outside. Even if its just sitting outside on the porch, the fresh air and change of scenery will help you feel less cooped up . If you can get outside for a walk, even better, the gentle movement will do wonders.
Prioritize sleep. It feels cruel to suggest that sleep will improve anxiety and depression to a newborn mother, however it’s the truth. We suggest that mom goes to bed early, (like 6:30-7pm) and sleep while their partner cares for the baby until the next feeding. Find something that works for your life, and make sleep the priority for the first 3 months.
Stay connected to your friends. Your postpartum anxiety and depression has a habit of trying to convince you that all your friends hate you and you’re just annoying them. I promise you this is the farthest from the truth and the people who care about you want to be there to support you. This is key because the first person to notice changes in you may not be yourself, it might be a friend around you.
Protect your personal hygiene time. Personal hygiene is a non negotiable and shouldn’t be sacrificed. It may feel like there is no time to fit in a shower but this simply cannot be something you put on the back burner. Shower before your partner goes to work in the morning, after baby goes to bed or during nap times with the monitor near by. You aren’t always going to feel like doing this but its something worth pushing through and doing anyways, your mental health will always benefit.
Keep on doing activities you enjoy. It’s so easy to put these things by the wayside because we are needed at home, and the guilt that creeps up from being away from them is too difficult to deal with. Therapy can help explore the validity of these thoughts. Your family is benefitting when you take time for yourself and come out a more patient, calm, and happier person.
Lastly, boundaries are your best friend. Protect your time, your baby, and your right to be the decision maker as the parent. Boundaries can be very difficult when our people pleasing urges and desire to be liked override the importance of the boundary. This is something that can be explored further in therapy.
When to ask for help and find a therapist
In becoming a parent there are so many changes its hard to know what is within the normal range. If you ever feel like not yourself, start looking for a supportive therapist. Having extra support is not a bad thing, and in fact, can be extremely protective. Don’t wait until things are “bad enough”, don’t delay getting help because you aren’t sure if it’s exactly perinatal mood disorder or just having a few low days. The reality is, it doesn’t matter. If something feels off, thats enough of a reason to seek support.
I know it can feel scary. I know we don’t want to be a burden or - worse - doubted in our ability to care for our child. AND I want you to know it’s possible to thrive in your new role as a mother. If you’ve been thinking about setting up an appointment with a therapist, that is your sign to go ahead and do it.
About the Author
Dana Etherington is an Occupational Therapist, Psychotherapist and the Owner of Cedar Tree Therapy, a group psychotherapy practice located in Brooklin, Ontario.